Step by Step, Breath by Breath
by Stixer111
Summary: Kamitani doesn't fall in love, so much as drift aimlessly into a quiet awakening. Of course, when the object of his affections is Kashima, he really shouldn't expect otherwise.


_**A/N- So guess who finished the entire manga and was sorely disappointed that this fandom was so small. Just to make it clear I am already Hayaryuu trash, but you'll hopefully be seeing a lot of stuff (Hayaryuu or not) from me in this little pocket of fandom because I am inspired ™. Anyway I have a test in 10 hours that I'm yet to study for, so wish me luck!**_

* * *

Hayato couldn't remember how he'd become friends with Kashima Ryuuichi. Oh, he remembered meeting him that first day in the day care, the overly concerned boy and his silent little brother. He remembered the way Kashima had run after him that night too, clutching Kotaro close, moments away from tears and begging for help. They weren't friends though, not at that point. That had come later. Sometime between Taka dragging him into whatever activity the toddlers were immersed in and him actually signing up to be a member of the babysitters club, Hayato had made a friend. By the time the culture festival rolled around, Kashima had become Ryuuichi, at least in his head.

XXX

"Aniki, Taka wants to go to the park!" Taka's usual excitement made him grimace. It was getting close to summer and it was _hot_. Hayato was currently comfortably positioned directly under the air conditioner with the latest issue of Sports Graphic Number and a glass of orange juice. He took a deep, calming breath.

"No." he said, eyes never leaving the glossy pages of his magazine. He braced himself for the inevitable waterworks.

"WAAHH! ANIKI IS MEAN!"

Hayato grunted and turned the page.

"I HATE ANIKI!"

"Don't care."

Somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice that sounded distinctly like Ryuuichi berated him for his behaviour. He stifled a snort. Had Ryuuichi been in his place, Taka would probably have been at the park by now. Instead, the kid was rolling on the ground beating his fists and kicking his legs, tears and snot pouring down his face as he bawled at the top of his lungs. Hayato rolled his eyes.

"Quit crying you brat."

"I'm telling mom!"

Despite being half drowned out by Taka's blubbering, the threat was enough to give him a pause. He groaned internally. His brother was _such_ a pain. If only he took a page out of Kotaro's book. Calm, quiet Kotaro. Hayato shook his head in defeat.

"Fine, we can go to the park. But only for a little while.

Taka froze in the midst of his tantrum, blinking owlishly at him, snot still dripping from his nose. Hayato sighed.

"Go put your shoes on stupid."

"'m not stupid" said Taka petulantly, as he scrambled up and wiped his nose on his sleeve. It didn't stop him from giving his brother a blinding grin before racing out the door. He couldn't help the small smile that graced his lips in response. On second thought, Taka was fine the way he was. Hayato wouldn't know what to do with calm and quiet anyhow. He shook his head at the uncharacteristically fond thought. Mind-Ryuuichi was cheering, the idiot. Sighing, he took out his phone to call the Kashima brothers. Taka would probably like the company.

XXX

"Kamitani, what did you get for number 4?" Ryuuichi asked in a soft whisper. They were sitting at the small plastic table in the day care room, quietly working on their homework while the toddlers (and Usaida) took their afternoon nap.

"X equals 55"

"That's… not what I got."

Hayato stretched and let out a low groan, trying to ease the tension that had built up in his shoulders. He was way too tall for their current environment. He pulled Ryuuichi's notebook towards himself, and glanced at the problem in question. He stared at the page in front of him in disbelief.

"Kashima, you got an imaginary number. There aren't even any square roots in this question."

Next to him, Ryuuichi flushed, avoiding eye contact. Math was one of his weaker subjects, and he had a tendency to overthink the questions. Hayato knew this, which is why he gently cuffed the back of his friend's head, before turning to a fresh page and copying out the problem once more.

"Okay first you need to divide by two." he said, writing out the step in red ink so that it stood out clearly on the page. He paused for a moment, to make sure he had Ryuuichi's attention before continuing through the problem, writing each step in alternating colours so that it was easy to understand.

"And so x equals 55." he said, finishing the problem and turning to Ryuuichi to see if he understood. He was met with a familiar determined look, which melted into a wide smile as he caught his eye.

"Yes! I understand now! Thanks Kamitani!"

The corners of Hayato's mouth quirked upwards. "Don't worry about it."

XXX

It was nearly lunchtime, and Usaida had decided that it was a wonderful day for a picnic. The idea was either brilliant or idiotic, Hayato couldn't quite decide. As usual, he and Ryuuichi were left wrangling the energetic toddlers, while Usaida followed at a relaxed pace, with baby Midori strapped to his chest.

Somehow they managed to get to the picnic spot, a small clearing among some trees on the far side of the campus, without any of their charges wandering off. Ryuuichi successfully laid down the blanket without displacing Kotaro, who was perched solemnly on his shoulders, Hayato broke up a fight between Taka and Kirin with a well-placed glare, and they all sat down to eat.

"Itadakimasu!" they said together, though it sounded more like 'itdakma' from the kids.

Hayato unwrapped his bento before casually leaning towards his brother and smacking him over the head before he could complain about the numerous vegetables their mother had packed. Predictably, Taka began to bawl, and Ryuuichi shot him a _look_ from the other end of the group, where he and Kotaro were (unsuccessfully) trying to convince Kirin that Mochi Lion-chan did, in fact, want her to eat him. Hayato merely raised an eyebrow at him, and the disapproving look transformed into an exasperated yet fond laugh which made his chest tighten oddly. He quickly looked away, focusing on his own bento and occasionally reminding Taka and Takuma not to talk with their mouths full. He didn't catch the small, confused frown that flashed across Ryuuichi's face, nor the speculative one that crossed Usaida's.

XXX

Hayato wasn't an idiot. He knew that he was relatively popular among the girls in his class. He'd had a couple of love letters in his locker and more than a few gifts during Valentine's Day, but never once had he looked back at any of those girls. He'd just never been interested. So why did the love confession in Ryuuichi's locker make his stomach churn? Why did he have to constantly fight the urge to snap at Inomata and Ushimaru? Why did his heart turn summersaults each time Kamatsuki-sensei made him practice being (female) Ryuuichi's boyfriend? Why did he want to punch Inui-senpai's face in when Ryuuichi (still dressed as a girl) asked Hayato to leave the two alone after they successfully carried out the plan? And why did he feel a fond, fluttering warmth in his chest later that evening when his (best) friend, with his face buried in his hands, told him _exactly_ how that encounter went?

XXX

"You like him."

Hayato turned his head slightly to acknowledge Usaida as the man altered his pace to match his own. They were at the trailing behind on this afternoon's walk, content to move a bit more leisurely than usual. He decided to play dumb, though he had a feeling that the flaming tips of his ears would give him away.

"Who?"

Usaida rolled his eyes, before nodding to the front of the group, where Ryuuichi had the 5 toddlers mesmerized by an orange and black butterfly. The usually boisterous Taka and Takuma were watching in awed silence, and even timid Kazuma peered curiously at it from behind Ryuuichi's back. The other boy was kneeling in the grass, quietly explaining something to the group of enraptured children with a gentle expression. Hayato couldn't help the soft, affectionate smile that crept onto his face at the sight. Ryuuichi chose that moment to look up, catch his eye, and beam happily at him.

"Ah, young love. A beautiful thing." Usaida snickered, the sound making Midori giggle as well.

"Shut up."

XXX

They were at the park again, watching over their brothers. Taka had pulled Kotaro to the sandbox, and they were busy making the Ranger 5 fortress. At least that's what Taka called it. The two seemed content pushing as much sand as they could into a mound in the middle of the box. The older brothers sat on the swings nearby, juice boxes in hand, content and confident they wouldn't be troubled, as the park was relatively empty since it wasn't as popular as the main one downtown.

Ryuuichi smiled at the peaceful scene that unfolded in front of them, before pulling out his phone to take a picture. He fumbled with the device, dropping it onto the grass under the swing set, laughing sheepishly as he bent to pick it up, tongue poking out of his mouth slightly in his effort to not get off the swing or spill his juice in the process. Hayato glanced at him from the corner of his eye and huffed a laugh.

"You might be the clumsiest person I've ever met, Ryuuichi."

He froze. There was a clatter next to him as Ryuuichi nearly tumbled to the ground in surprise.

"Did you just-"

"Forget I said-"

They both spoke together tripping over their words. They stared at each other until the embarrassment became too much, and Hayato had to look away, certain his face could give the setting sun a run for its money. It certainly felt warm enough to power a planet. They both watched their brothers so intently that the toddlers looked up from their play with a shiver. Hayato took a sip of his juice, just to have something to do.

"You know," said Ryuuichi tentatively "I don't mind you using my first name… Hayato."

Hayato choked so hard he fell off the swing.

XXX

On the positive side, they had both gotten used to calling each other by their first name. Well, that is to say they didn't freeze or stumble anymore when it happened. Hayato was pretty sure he'd never get over the sound of his name in Ryuuichi's voice though. At least he hoped he wouldn't. On the downside, he wasn't sure where this left them. Was this a sign that Ryuuichi returned his feelings? Or did he see this as just another level of friendship? Rather than tear his hair out over the situation, Hayato elected to move on as though nothing had changed, rolling his eyes at Usaida's frequent knowing looks. And if he had to tamp down a wave of hope every time Ryuuichi smiled at him and only him or sat a little closer than necessary while studying, well, he has always been a practical person.

XXX

Hayato found another love letter in his locker on Friday and Ryuuichi wasn't talking to him. It was not a good weekend.

They had found it in the afternoon, because Ryuuichi had to run an errand, and he, like the good friend (read: besotted idiot) he was, offered to keep him company. When he opened his locker, he'd found the letter, blue paper sealed with a vaguely familiar looking smiley-face sticker, and had opened it out of habit. He'd scanned the first few lines, before registering what it was, sighing and stuffing it into his bag so that he could pull on his shoes. When he'd turned to face Ryuuichi however, he looked oddly… disappointed. They completed the errand in a strange, suffocating silence, and Ryuuichi had been ignoring him ever since.

He wanted to catch up with him in the day care, but he had baseball practice that day, and the captain might have actually cried if he skipped. He played terribly for an hour, unable to keep his head in the game, until the coach gave up and sent him home under the mistaken impression that he'd fallen ill.

"Rest up and feel better Kamitani." he said gruffly, giving him an awkward pat on his shoulder. He had simply nodded past the lump in his throat. He thought about heading to the day care, but he figured whatever was going on would sort itself out, and went home.

Ryuuichi didn't call all weekend. He didn't reply to his messages either. Not that he was checking them obsessively or anything. He was fine.

Come Monday morning, Ryuuichi practically sprinted passed him to class when he came to drop Taka off at the day care. He spent the rest of the day avoiding Hayato, sticking to his other classmates and even going to lunch with a red faced Ushimaru, and boy didn't that feel like a punch in the gut. He resolved to deal with it on the way to babysitters club, but of course he was on clean up duty and Ryuuichi left without him. Hayato swept the classroom faster than he'd ever done before and raced all the way to the day care.

He found Usaida pulled once again into one of Kirin's massive games of house, while Ryuuichi, somehow spared this time around, was smiling at the scene from the side-lines. His gaze landed on Hayato and the smile slid off his face, replaced by something sadder, and Hayato's heart sank. Ryuuichi moved to the bookshelf, making as though to tidy it up, and Hayato caught Usaida's eye.

"Fix this." He mouthed trying to hide his wince as Kirin combed his hair with a plastic ham while Takuma tried to get him to eat a hairbrush. Hayato rolled his eyes. He'd fix it if someone told him what was wrong. He walked over to the bookshelf, and Ryuuichi turned slightly to keep his back to him.

"Hey can we talk?" he asked, motioning towards the hallway. The last thing he needed was six little (and one big) eavesdroppers. Ryuuichi nodded uncertainly. They made it into the hallway and out of the front doors with none of the children noticing. Ryuuichi turned to face him.

"What did you want to talk about K-kamitani?"

Hayato never thought it would hurt so much to hear his own name. It must have shown on his face, because Ryuuichi's expression was strange mixture of guilty and determined. Hayato sighed.

"What's going on with you Ryuuichi?" the boy flinched at the sound of his name, and Hayato could feel that pesky lump in his throat again. He ploughed on. "You've been ignoring me ever since I got that confession letter."

"Yeah. That."

"Wait. Is that's what's bothering you?" Was he- jealous? Something akin to hope fluttered in his chest. "I didn't read beyond the first few lines!"

"Y-you didn't?"

"No, we had somewhere to be, remember?"

That strange, determined look was on Ryuuichi's face again. "Do you still have it?"

"Yeah, I think so. It's in my bag." He rummaged around for the blue paper, before holding it up triumphantly. Ryuuichi was gone. Hayato groaned, tamping down the sudden flare of disappointment, ready to rush back into the building, but something caught his eye. The sticker used to seal the letter was still annoyingly familiar. He opened the letter as though compelled by an outside force, and began to read.

 _Kamitani-kun,_

 _I wasn't sure if I would be brave enough to write this letter. I'm not great with words and this is something that could end in disaster, or it could be the best thing that will happen to me. I don't know, I suppose I just want to say that I like you. I like you a lot, and I've liked you for a long time. I like your hair and your eyes. I like how honest you are when you speak. I like how gently you smile when you think no one is watching. I like how you care so much about baseball, but chose to join the babysitters club anyway on your days off. I like how you're always there for Taka no matter how gruff you are with him. Basically I like you, Hayato. I'm no poet, but I will say that my heart is in your hands. Please take care of it._

 _You know where to find me._

 _-Ryuuichi_

All at once Hayato remembered where he'd seen that sticker. Just last week, Kotaro had climbed into his lap and stuck one onto the middle of his forehead.

He raced back into the building, and managed to catch Ryuuichi just before he turned the corner to the day care. He skidded to a stop, throwing his arm out so that the shorter boy was pinned between him and the wall. Ryuuichi let out a startled squeak, turning bright red when he realized how close their faces were. He still wouldn't meet his eyes.

"You idiot," growled Hayato "you know I never read confessions!"

"I had a plan!" Hayato snorted and Ryuuichi looked affronted.

"Why did you start it with Kamitani-kun? If you'd just called me Hayato from the start I probably would have figured it out!"

"Aren't love letters supposed to be formal? I thought it fit! It was a great plan! But then you read it, I mean, it looked like you did, and you didn't respond or act any differently or anything and I thought I was reading things wrong, and then I figured I should distance myself from you, because otherwise it would hurt too much and well-" Ryuuichi was staring intently at the ground again, and Hayato needed to fix this now. So with one hand still supporting himself against the wall, he used his free hand to tilt Ryuuichi's face upwards, and in the split second it took for their eyes to meet, Hayato closed the distance, pressing their lips together in a searing kiss. When they broke apart, gasping, Ryuuichi gave him a small, shaky smile which he returned before they slid down the wall to sit on the floor, neither of them willing to break the moment and head back into the day care. Hayato sent a silent thank you to Usaida for not coming out to check on them.

"So does this mean-"

"Yes."

Ryuuichi tilted his head in confusion. "Yes what?"

"Yes everything."

The two grinned at each other and sat right there in the school corridor for a while in comfortable silence, before Hayato lifted himself off the ground. As he reached down to help Ryuuichi up, a thought occurred to him.

"When did you even put the letter in my locker?"

Ryuuichi blushed and refused to meet his eye. He looked at his (boy?)friend suspiciously. "You didn't actually need 7 cups of rice pudding for the club that day, did you?"

"How was I supposed to know you'd want to come with me!?"

Hayato laughed until his legs gave out, pulling both himself and Ryuuichi back to the ground.

XXX

"Why do I feel like I'm about to meet my stepchild for the first time?"

Ryuuichi's mildly panicked muttering made Hayato snort. Mamizuka-sensei had just picked up the twins, leaving Taka and Kotaro the only kids in the day care. Hayato glanced quickly at the corner where the two were looking at a picture book before sharing a look with Ryuuichi. After dating for a month, they decided it was time that their brothers knew about it. He didn't know why Ryu was so worried though, Taka adored him already. On the other hand everyone knew that if you wanted to date Ryuuichi, Kotaro was your biggest love-rival. Hayato fought the urge to swallow nervously. Ryu grasped his hand and gave it a quick squeeze, before getting the attention of the two younger boys.

"Taka, Kotaro, come here a minute."

In a rare (at least on Taka's end) show of obedience the two immediately trotted over. Ryu cleared his throat nervously as they both knelt in front of the toddlers.

"Hayato and I… that is to say, Taka me and your Aniki… well, we're sort of…"

The two little boys were looking at him in increasing confusion, so Hayato sighed and came to his boyfriend's rescue. "Ryuuichi and I are dating." The look of confusion hadn't cleared, so he tried again. "We're boyfriends."

Taka blinked. "Like… kissy kissy?"

Ryuuichi nodded enthusiastically. Taka's eyes filled with tears and Ryu looked at Hayato in helpless panic. The toddler pulled out his toy sword and started to hit Ryu with it.

"ANIKI IS MINE! YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM AWAY I WON'T LET YOU!"

Kotaro seemed to be in shock. He hadn't moved from his position since he heard the news.

Ryu shot him a helpless look as he shielded himself from the tiny blows, and Hayato gently but firmly pulled his brother away. Ryuuichi opened his arms out to Kotaro, which seemed enough to snap him out of his state, as he barrelled into his brother's chest, burying his face in his jacket. Taka had taken up a similar position in his own brother's lap, with more sobbing. Hayato exchanged a look with his boyfriend. Both he and Ryu knew that if their brothers weren't happy with this relationship, it wasn't going to work. Taking a deep breath, he spoke in a voice that was calmer than he felt.

"Kotaro?"

"Ung."

"I know you love your brother a lot. I like him a lot too." Kotaro turned to look at him, and he counted it as a win. "I promise you, your Ni-chan isn't going anywhere without you. I just want to make him happy, but he can't be happy while Kotaro is sad, can he?"

Kotaro stared at him silently, and again, Hayato had to fight the urge to swallow. He flicked his eyes up to Ryu, but his boyfriend looked equally nervous. Then Kotaro turned to face Ryu.

"Ni-chan happy?"

Ryu nodded.

"Kotaro make Ni-chan happy?"

"Yes." came the quiet reply.

"Kami-chan make Ni-chan happy?"

"Very happy."

Kotaro broke out into a huge grin, turning again to face Hayato. "We make Ni-chan happy t'geter!"

Damn, that lump was definitely back. Hayato nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Kotaro grinned wider.

"Taka too!" he said pointing at the other boy, who's sobs had quietened and had turned around to face them. He tilted his head in surprise. Ryuuichi, seeing his chance, spoke up.

"Taka, you know I'd never take your Aniki away from you right?"

Taka's lower lip wobbled. "Taka loves Aniki."

"And your Aniki loves you too." said Ryu, shooting Hayato a _look_. Taka whipped his head around to stare at him, and Hayato nodded, figuring that it was okay, at least today, to be honest. Taka gaped in shock, and Ryu chuckled, bringing the boy's attention back to him. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"The thing is, it's not like you're going to be seeing less of your Aniki. Instead, you'll probably be seeing more of me and Kotaro."

Taka visibly perked up at that. "Aniki will be there lots? Ryu-ni and Kotaro will be there lots?"

"Of course! Taka is my friend, right? And Kotaro's friend too?"

"Yes!"

"Then nothing changes, right?"

Taka looked at him like it was a trick question, then broke out into a grin.

"Yay! Aniki and Ryu-ni kissy kissy!"

Hayato slapped a palm to his face and Ryuuichi turned a bright shade of scarlet.

"Uh, I'm glad you're happy for us Taka, but please don't say it like that!"

"KISSY KISSY! KISSY KISSY!"

Hayato felt a pressure at his side as Ryuuichi buried his face into his neck and groaned as Taka grabbed Kotaro's hand and pulled him around the room as he shouted 'kissy kissy' at the top of his lungs. He was going to get back at the little brat later, but for now he was content sitting on the floor of the day care, arms around his boyfriend, watching his little brother raise hell as usual.

* * *

 _ **A/N- Of course, because brothers are difficult, and toddlers doubly so, as soon as they go home Taka shouts "Aniki and Ryu-Ni are kissy kissy!" and Hayato has to fend off his mom's questions. Kotaro lets it slip more quietly, but Saikawa definitely breaks out the red bean rice.**_

 _ **Okay so since I've made a small promise to myself to write more this year, and also to maybe expand this little corner of fandom as much as I can, I am open to taking prompts. I'm bards-against-hoomanity on tumblr. I won't write anything that's ships an adult with a minor (I don't care what the age of consent is in Japan) or a similar age gap (i.e. teen with child), and I'm very uncomfortable writing smut, but anything else is good to go.**_


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